“I’m sick of
your nagging!” I yelled, slapping my hand down on the table. “It
was an accidental slurp for goodness’ sake!”
The truth was that as much as I was working on curtailing my soup and
cereal slurps at the table, the soup was indeed extremely hot. It
truly was only a slurp-slip up, and not done intentionally. The
problem was that my unconscionable table manners and rudeness in our
first year of marriage was something she came to expect. I failed to understand how painful the underlying issues
were that caused her to be so easily irritated and I often exploited
it to just that end—simply because I could, and because I have a
wicked sin nature that loves a romp in the slop. I was innocent on
this occasion, however, and she would pay for her unjustified
nagging.
After a string of
expletives I picked up my soup and stomped through the kitchen out
the back door, slamming it behind me as I exited. I took a few
super-slurps, hoping she could hear me inside. But I couldn’t enjoy
it. I set the bowl down and just dropped my head in exasperation and
shame. Lifting my head, I noticed the dilapidated wooden privacy
fence in my back yard. “God,” I asked, “why do we always fail
so bad? Why does this marriage feel so much like that broken-down
fence?”
I’ve talked to
and counseled with a lot of men in the five years since that slurp.
Apparently, incidents like that aren’t so uncommon in the early
years of marriage. The first year, especially, is often the most
difficult for many couples. The sweetness of romance can quickly
disappear, replaced with the reality of one another’s flaws. And
silently, as desperation sinks in, each person quietly wonders, “Is
this really forever?”
As difficult as our
first year of marriage was, however, both my wife and I can
gratefully testify that as we celebrate our fifth year of marriage we
have fallen more deeply in love and affection for each other than we
ever thought possible. We are able to celebrate the joy that God has
woven into our lives, and see his grace in using those painful
conflicts as a way of laying down for us the foundation we
desperately need in order for our marriage to endure.
In anticipation of
my five-year anniversary, I recently sat down and reflected on some
of the most important principles I learned as a husband trying to
make sense of my first year of marriage.Hopefully, those 5 lessons in the following posts will be meaningful for you, too.
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